Depressed? Feel it!

Depressed? Do you resit it?

Is feeling depressed a bad and a negative thing? If you feel depressed will you become a negative person?

For years and years, “depression” and feeling “depressed” have been ignored and taboo subjects. Subconsciously we have classified depression and feeling depressed as a negative and bad thing and definitely something to avoid.

In my own journey, I had decided that in order to be a positive person I needed to avoid feeling and expressing the so-called negative or bad feelings.

Feeling depressed was definitely on my list of negative or bad feelings.

This intentional avoidance of so-called negative feelings became a really big problem when I experienced postpartum depression. After having my second son it seemed a dark cloud loomed over me. I’d tell myself I didn’t feel depressed but there was a problem it didn’t make the dark cloud disappear. I tried so hard to avoid, resist, ignore the depressed feeling. This only seemed to make the feeling bigger, louder, and darker. 

For years I fought the feeling; depressed.

Once when I was living in Morrison, Colorado it was a radiant spring day but I did not feel radiant on the inside because the cloud of depression that was following me around felt heavy and dark. The way I was handling its presence was doing things to prove that I was a positive person, that I was a good person, and that I absolutely was not depressed!

On this particular day, I decided the best way to prove my positivity was to take my kids out on a loooooong walk. I put my kid’s shoes on and covered their body’s in little thin fleece jackets perfect for this spring day. I put my baby in the stroller with a light blanket around his chubby legs and convinced my four-year-old that this was going to be fun.

Almost immediately my four-year-old is making his perspective loud and clear – he doesn’t want to walk! I burn up on the inside but through gritted teeth vomit a bunch of encouraging positivity because I am taking these boys on a long walk because that’s what positive people do who aren’t depressed…

What have you done to prove

That you are not depressed? Anxious? Angry? Not any of those uncomfortable so-called bad feelings?

We set off on the hour-long loop. As we approach the halfway mark I’m feeling a little smug at my accomplishment, “Look at you! You’re not depressed, depressed people wouldn’t do something like this.” We reach that point where it’s just as long to turn around and go back as it is to keep going forward.  At this moment the sky turns dark and almost in an instant BOOM, buckets of big heavy wet droplets of rain start pouring on us. 

Remember the smugness I felt??

Gone; washed away with the rain. This was the last straw as they call it. The big, scary and so-called bad and negative feelings started to overflow.

I was out of control and utterly exhausted from trying to run away from depression.

Inside of me, I was raining, possibly even transforming into a wild and ferocious storm. Perhaps, the rain was God teaching me that the most effective way to process a feeling is to let it go of the notion that it isn’t real and feel it! 

Almost immediately my four year old starts crying. Dressed in a soaked little fleece jacket, with tears exploding out of his face. The baby just starts wailing and I realize we have half an hour left out here in this depressing, soppy, wet mess.

I felt furious on the inside.

Emotionally I spin out of control with negative thoughts.

  • “You make me mad!” 
  • “God, why would you do this?”
  • “Why?”
  • “I’m done!”
  • “I’m being positive
  • “I’ve ignored all of the negative feelings!
  • “Why could you not have waited half an hour to send the rain?” 

“Had God betrayed me?” I thought. Ignoring the so-called negative feelings I was being more holy, more Godlike, or at least I thought I was.

Now I was really depressed. Several more years of trying to prove I didn’t feel depressed until I was ready to really accept the truth and choose to feel those big uncomfortable depressed feelings.

I share more about my journey through depression in this podcast episode The moment I realized I needed antidepressants.

The best news…

After dedicating years of my life years to developing emotional clarity, in understanding emotions, the power of thoughts, and how they influence our actions, I am free of these harmful habits!

Developing emotional clarity starts with your feelings. Develop the skills to identify and process your feelings is the first step towards emotional clarity. If you feel depressed some of the time – Identify it and feel it. Pay attention to where it leads you and use your power to create positive and healthy thoughts.

What are the feelings you have subconsciously categorized as “negative” or “bad”? Can you choose to feel them without judgment? Depressed?Frustrated? Mad? Or any other undesirable feeling I have you covered. I created this free training for you!

MYTH BUSTER – Feelings aren’y inherently positive or negative

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