Is it you in your car after another driver just cut you off? The emoji with the scrunched-up face and smoke coming out its ears? Is it the hulk with his clenched fists and big bare green chest ready to go and destroy something? Or perhaps a picture of your kid mid-tantrum comes to mind…
You act mad, angry or, out of control because you have not taken the time to navigate and understand your emotions.
Just let that sit for a moment.
Does it sting? Oh, I’m sorry if it stings. It stung me so very deep when I started to actually learn this and then it stung, even more, when I started to try and be responsible – It takes effort to navigate and understand your thoughts and feelings.
I realized that in all the situations that I was blaming something/someone else I played a big role and could have created a different outcome but didn’t.
I am sure you are familiar with feelings such as mad or anger and thank goodness these feelings are universal. Can you imagine if there were just five people on earth that experienced those emotions – they would feel so very lonely and so misunderstood! That’s not the case, we can all relate because we are human, and feeling feelings is a part of our human experience.
Perhaps you find yourself resisting feelings such as mad or angry but remember these feelings don’t need to be negative, rather they provide you with experience. Listen to episode 147 Feelings Are Not Inherently Positive Or Negative or read THIS blog post to learn more about where positive and negative come into play with our emotional health.
I appreciate this definition about anger by Randy Gunther (Ph.D)
Anger is a pufferfish phenomenon, it serves to make people feel more powerful when they can’t express their more vulnerable underlying emotions. Most often they are preceded by feelings of frustration, hurt and unmet needs or perceived injustice.Psychology Today
Have you ever seen a puffer fish? They blow themselves out to look scary, to look powerful.
When was the last time you acted like a puffer fish? You blew up?
When you act out of anger, being mad or filled with rage you are acting that way because you want to feel powerful. Whether you like to hear this or not you are doing it because you are resisting being vulnerable and dealing with underlying emotions along with the thoughts and stories you have about them.
Sorry, just laying down a carpet of truth today. You see I didn’t always believe these principles but choosing to believe these as truths have transformed my life in remarkable ways. I’ve learned that feelings do not define who I am, they are not my identity rather they are a part of this experince called life. Each feeling felt provides information and an oppertunity to become a more empathetic and loving human.
For more ideas and tips on how to navigate your big feelings listen to the whole episode on Jessica Stories.