So I am a bit of an emotional mess! Seriously, I was to hide in a hole and have an old maid turn up and take care of everything (not quite sure why the maid is old…)
My kids start a new school tomorrow and I tore my achilles (I think, it hurts A LOT) this means I am filled with a bunch of emotions that are rather dramatic — hair flip and eye roll.
- I loved summer and had many fabulous adventures and enjoyed a lot of flexibility but I AM CRAVING SCHEDULES! I mean I need to be accountable to someone other than myself and my children
- I am ready for space from my kiddos (this just became apparent the last few days when we were arguing and arguing) but I feel guilty about wanting them to be in school. I don’t know where these outlandish thoughts come from (most likely satan) because it is VERY normal that people would need space from each other after a lot of concentrated time together. So this is me talking myself out of negative thoughts and emotions that don’t come from God and are just a result of being human.
- I am worried my Achilles isn’t going to heal fast enough for my classes which start in a couple weeks. I mostly think I will be just fine but then there is that part of me that wants to obsess over my pathetic foot that hurts.
- I hate not having the option to move and wish I didn’t take it as much for granted when it didn’t hurt. I now feel selfish for my 1st world problems
- My dog is crazy…no, she’s CRAZY! Her antics make me overflow with all sorts of unproductive energy- THIS IS NOT AN OVER EXAGGERATION.
OK, lets get back to why I titled this post past feeling. There is this scripture in Nephi (the book of mormon) that addresses Laman and Lemuel and how even though they had seen an angel and many miracles they were past feeling to recognize the promptings of the Holy Ghost, come unto God and change their ways. Now, I sure hope I am not in the same boat as these faithless men but I have been stuffing my feelings down to the point where I just have angst in me and nothing good comes from angst. I know if I don’t take the time tomorrow after my kids go to school to work though my feelings then I might get to a point when I can’t / wont feel or just feel negative stuff.
I need to work through my feelings but also remember all that God has done for me, told me and how I feel when I am close to Him.
Feeling close to God is one of the most important things to me but I am 100% human and flawed and have so much STILL to learn, because of this I need to take time to feel and process the emotions that are locked inside of the walls of my heart. I don’t ever want to get to the point when I am past feeling…Past being close to God. Past letting God heal my heart.
Here is raising a glass to feeling feelings.
I made this video several months ago and find myself taking my own advice now: